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by Alicia True | |
| 1 | Mother Teresa once said, “If we pray, we will believe; if we believe, we will love; if we love we will serve.” I believe in Jesus, and I have decided to give him my life and follow his ways. However, I have discovered a problem in trying to do this. The problem is that I have someone living inside of me who con- tradicts everything that Christ teaches. She is the “me” that most people would not recognize. She is the me who would casually walk by a person who has been beaten, robbed and left for dead on the side of the road. She is the me who simply does not want to inconvenience herself. In circumstances where she may have to get her hands dirty, her first impulse is to retreat and find a place that is more comfortable. Her comfort is the most important thing to her. Then why in the world do I constantly place her in situa- tions where she must relinquish her own agenda for the sake of others? For example, I have her working with inner city children and troubled teens. I even took her with me to Africa so she could spend time helping in an orphanage. She hates it because all of this do-gooding is killing her, but that is just what I want to have happen. |
| 2 | There is a little boy named Benjamin who has played a part in the execution of the self-centered me. Benjamin is one of the children the outreach team from our church visits weekly. Ben- jamin is ten years old. When I first met Benjamin, I began to struggle with the selfish “me.” She immediately attempted to True 2 create a distance between Benjamin and me in order to protect her comfort. She knew her comfort was being threatened because he was not like the other children. He would tell dirty jokes and talk about things that a little child had no business even knowing about. He had, I believe, been sexually abused. He was constantly dirty and smelly, with a perpetual runny nose. The selfish me had an intense desire to avoid him. She had a much better time showing love to the cute children. One day I went with another staff member, Cathy, to do home visits. I was surprised when we stopped at Benjamin’s house. Cathy told me about his past, how he had been abused, neglected, and abandoned by his drug using parents. He had also been born with a mental disability due to the drug abuse of his mother. At the age of nine he was found living on the streets, completely abandoned and alone. |
| 3 | As we pulled up to the house, the selfish me began to rise up in protest saying, “He is obviously a very troubled little boy. We really ought to let a professional counselor try to help him.” She knew she was about to be placed in an unpleasant situation. I quickly hushed her up as Benjamin came out to greet us. Without missing a beat, Cathy wrapped her arms around him and told him how happy we were to see him, and before I knew it Cathy pulled me over to join in the hug, creating what she called a “Benjamin sandwich.” We all laughed, and even the selfish me saw Benjamin in a whole new way. In fact, as the visit went on, I no longer saw a troubled little boy, but a little boy who had simply not been shown any love in his life. I realized it was now my job to show him that love. The selfish me resisted, but by the end of the visit she had been overpowered. |
| 4 | I found another way to fight the selfish me last summer when I spent two weeks in Kenya. Our team had the opportunity to visit an orphanage. We knew most of the children had been orphaned because their parents had died of AIDS. We also knew most of the children were very sick themselves, but we were not prepared for what we saw when we arrived. As our van pulled in, I took a good look around. The filth and odor were overwhelming, but the desperation in the children’s eyes was even worse. The selfish me pleaded to stay on the bus where it was nice and safe. I told her to forget it, we were going in. She reluctantly gave in, but insisted on bringing along her hand sanitizing lotion. Every baby she picked up was covered in urine. Every hug she gave covered her in dirt. Every time she turned her head she saw another crippled, dying, hungry, lonely child who was looking to her for help and hope. I watched in awe as she became immobilized. She could not handle giving this much of herself, and the love the children gave her in return was destroying her egocentric way of thinking. Every time a child would smile at her in adoration, she became weaker and weaker, like Superman near Kryptonite. She became very vulnerable that day. In fact, she has never been the same since. |
| 5 | This person inside of me who tries to convince me that I should only think of my own needs has been with me ever since I can remember. She has influenced much of my life and view of the world. For a long time, I never considered her to be a problem. Now I see how she has hindered my growth as a person. The more I learn about her the more I want to overcome her. I realize she will be with me for the rest of my life and that our battle will be continuous. But I will go on fighting her, nevertheless, until the day I die. |
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Nominated by Steve Wallin, English Department
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